Funny voicemail greetings

Peyton Duplechien • 08 May 2019 • 5 min read

Whether you’re receiving calls from friends, family, or customers, it’s always a little awkward when their call goes to voicemail. Which might be why so many people are choosing to leave quirky and funny out of office messages instead, to ease the tension that comes with waiting for the voicemail tone.

Funny voicemail greetings are an excellent alternative for anyone looking to add that unique touch to their calls – they certainly beat the mundane and overused voicemail ideas that most of us opt for. Though, of course, a funny voicemail doesn’t always cut it for customers in a hurry, in which case you might want to consider our 24/7 live answering service instead!

However, if you are setting up a voicemail, but having trouble coming up with your own unusual, cheeky, rude, or funny out of office messages, then you can check out some of the funny voicemail greetings below for some quick inspiration.

Funny answering machine messages

If there’s one thing that removes the awkwardness from leaving a voicemail, it’s a touch of humor. Below are our favorite funny answering machine messages that you can make use of: 

  1. “Whatever unfortunate chain of events has led you to call my number this time!, Leave your story here and I’ll call when I can.” 
  2. (Sung to call me maybe) – “Hey, I just missed you, hope you’re not crazy, so leave your name, I’ll call you maybe. 
  3. “You have reached the number you most recently dialed. Please leave a message after the tone. 
  4. (Sung to the tune of Live While We’re Young) – “Hey, it’s crazy crazy crazy that I’ve missed your call. Don’t know why I bother with this phone at all. Just leave your name and number and a reason too. I’ll try my best… To get back to you…” 
  5. “Hi! It’s (name)! Let’s meet up! Don’t worry, I’m close! (Make running sounds then cut off).” 
  6. “Youve reached (name)’s voicemail. If you’re a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message at the tone. If you’re one of (name)’s friends, you may also leave a message at the tone. If you’re not hot and not one of (name)’s friends, call back when you are. 
  7. “I’ll answer you next time if you give me a new car. 
  8. “Hello, you’ve reached the (first and last name) dyslexia helpline. Please leave a massage after the time. 
  9. “Hey! It’s (name). Want to hear a joke? Knock, knock! Not me, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” 
  10. “Hello, this is (name). If you’re hearing this then I’m probably here but just don’t feel like talking to you because you were rude to me the other day.”
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Rude voicemail greetings

As endearing as short, funny voicemail greetings can be, sometimes, it’s simply more appealing to leave a slightly rude greeting instead. Here are our favorite rude voicemail greetings for you to try out: 

  1. “Who is this?! How did you get this number?!” 
  2. “No one answers phone calls anymore, send me a text.” 
  3. Hello. You’ve reached this mailbox by mistake. Please check the number and call back!” 
  4. “Hi, you’ve reached (name)’s voicemail. If you want money or to sell us something, we a) gave it to the office, b) already have it, or c) don’t want it. If youre a friend trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number.” 
  5. Hello? Yeah… Uh-huh… Yeah… No, you stop yelling at me… Oh, you’re yelling alright… You know what, I’m hanging up… Yes, I am … (beep). 
  6. “Hello, if you’re hearing this, that means I’m probably trying to avoid you, so don’t leave a message because nobody likes you.” 
  7. “Sorry I couldn’t come to the phone, I either did not want to talk, or I’m just preoccupied. I’ll return your call when it is convenient for me. 
  8. “Hey… okay, wait let me put you on speaker… Okay, what?… What?… Ugh! Can’t you just leave me a message?! Thanks!” 
  9. “Hello? Oh, hey! Wait a minute, I can’t hear you. Sorry, hold on. Nope, still can’t hear you. Do you want to know why? Because I’m not here right now! Leave a message after the beep.” 
  10. “You have reached the Gestapo Speech Therapy Unit. We have ways of making you talk. Please leave your message after the slightly disguised scream at the end. You will leave your message… NOW!” 

Join thousands of other businesses and upgrade your voicemail to a live answering service. Our pricing starts from $70/mo for 20 minutes, view our pricing plans:

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Cute voicemail greetings

Finally, if you want to leave a message that’s both funny and adorable, then by all means add a cute twist to it. Why not try out one of our cute voicemail greetings below: 

  1. “Okay, if this is any of my weirdo friends then Im sorry I didn’t give you my new number. So, here it is (say your number). And again, that number is (say your number). So, call me.” 
  2. “I’m glad you called, but I’m not home, though, I’ll be back before too long. Wait for the beep, leave your name, you’ve gotta leave your number. Wait for the beep! Wait… (Beep).”!” 
  3. “Hey, not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone. But not before because then the message gets cut off! (Insert a really long beep that goes on for a minute).” 
  4. “Heyyy!…, What?… Can you repeat that??,  Sike! I’m not actually here, but you can leave me a message instead.” 
  5. “Hello? Hey, its you… I have not talked to you in a while…have a secret to tell you… Leave a message or you will have bad luck. 
  6. “Hey, its (name). Please call me back asap. I’m out and I couldn’t get to the phone. I’m sorry and I promise I will do everything I can to call you back.” 
  7. “Hi, if you’re my parents, I’m at church! If you’re my math teacher, I’ll give you my homework! If you’re that pretty boy/girl down my street, call me maybe! 
  8. “Hey, what’s up?… Sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now butt leave a message and I’ll get back to you in like a year. Bye! 
  9. Hi”
  10. I’m obviously not here right now because I’m probably getting really fat eating this Hershey bar. Don’t tell on me, I’m not supposed to be eating candy! Leave a message because I gotta run away! Bye!” 
  11. “The number youve reached is currently not in service, but when I wake up and turn my phone back on, it will be!”
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Join thousands of other businesses and upgrade your voicemail to a live answering service. Our pricing starts from $70/mo for 20 minutes, view our pricing plans:

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