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Current Funny Voicemail Greetings:


“Heaven, this is “God speaking…”


– Jill, VA


“I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow. I may be in to work sooner, if you gave me your car to borrow.”


– Matt, MA



“Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline…If you are obsessive compulsive press 1 repeatedly. If you are co dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want so stay on the line and we will find you. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you what number to press. If you are dyslexic press 696969. If you have a nervous disorder please mess with the pound key until the beep. If you have short term memory lose please try your call again later. And if you have no self esteem hang up because no one wants to talk to you. “



-Josh, GA



Hi, We’re not in right now to take your call, If you would like to leave a message please press #, press 3 then dial your name, then press 6 then dial your number, then press * then 69, ask for extension 4443 then leave your name and message. If you would like to leave your number & time you called please press * twice, bark like a dog, spin in a circle, press 1 26 times, then wait for the beep. Hilarious prank to pull on friends, send them to voicemail hell


-Melissa, CA



” Hi, you’ve reached XXX. I’m not in right now because I’m STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU.”


-Wendi, NC



You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message


-Ryan, FL



I’m out walking my donkey but as soon as I get my ass back in I’ll call you back. Leave me a message.


-Nicole, NJ



Hello you are talking to a machine; I am capable of receiving messages. My owner (your name here) does not need siding windows or a hot tub, and her carpets are clean. She gives to charity through the office and she doesn’t need her picture taken if your still with me please leave a message and she will get back with you


– Dave, NH



Hello Everyone,Due to my extreme ADD and unyielding curiosity, I have decided to turn off my phone. My doctor told me the best way to handle my disorder is to put myself on a steady diet of only checking and responding to messages twice daily at 12:00 PM and 4:00 PM, until my debilitating conditions improve. I wanted to you let you know this right off the bat to avoid future complications. Sorry, doctor’s orders!If you absolutely need assistance (please make sure that it is urgent) that cannot wait until either 12:00 PM or 4:00 PM, please contact my assistant, Diane, at (678) 555-1212.My doctor also said I have a better chance of beating this disorder if I receive motivational letters and monetary donations. Feel free to send both to the following address:


– Jeff, GA



Hello, you have reached my voicemail. I am screening my calls right now so leave me your name and number. Please take the hint if I don’t call you back.”


– Bryan, VA



I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow. I may be in to work sooner, if you gave me your car to borrow.”


– Tara, WA <! /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:””; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”;} @page Section1 {size:8.5in 11.0in; margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in; mso-header-margin:.5in; mso-footer-margin:.5in; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} >


Ya, sure, you betcha! You have reached Beth doncha know I’m out shoveling and won’t be back till spring. Okie-doke leave a message


Hello (long pause) Hello (Long pause) is anyone there? (small silence…sound of phone hanging up) beep.


Hi Sorry I’m not in right now, I’m so disappointed to be missing your grouching and complaining about how your confused as to why we have suspended your service due to a small balance regardless that it is a balance. To speak to somebody who has it so much harder than you please press 1 to speak to speak to to God to repent of referring to me as the B word last time we spoke please press 7. To speak to the Devil who will soon be welcoming you home soon please press 666. Thank you and Fabulous day!



Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by VoiceNation.Despite the best efforts of VoiceNation, you really DID reach 555-1234. But that didn’t help much, did it? You still have to leave a message.What we’ve got here is… Failure to communicate. Leave a message.Please leave a tone after the message.(Classical music:) This is our voicemail. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our voicemail on drugs. (Silence…) Any message?Hello, and welcome to Phone Tag! If you’d like to join the game, please leave your name and number at the beep, and we’ll try to reach you when you’re not around. And thanks once again for playing Phone Tag!Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, “Who’s there?”) Isn’t that MY question? (Pause.) Please leave a message…



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