Funny Voicemails
Growing Your Business, Beyond the Call

Funny Voicemails

Are you looking for something to stir things up a bit?

Funny voicemail messages are an excellent alternative for people that are looking for that unique touch for something that seems really mundane. If you’re having trouble coming up with your own then you can check out some of the funny voicemail messages below.

List of the World’s Funniest Voicemail Greetings:

Okay this is awesome for people with friends who don’t know about HumorHotlines, or RejectionHotline. First things first: tell your friends you changed your number. Second: go to http://www.humorhotlines.com/hh-numbers.asp and… its pretty much self explanatory…

Okay if this is any of my weirdo friends, then I am sorry I did not give you my new number. So here it is: (say your number) and again that number is (say your number). So call me.

(sing to call me maybe)
Hey i missed your call
i hope you aren’t crazy
but leave your name
i will call you maybe

My nephew’s landlord must have heard every excuse possible for late rent. Her message says
“Whatever unfortunate chain of events has led you to call my number this time! Leave your story here and I’ll call when I can.”

You have reached the number you most recently dialed.

You have reached this mailbox by mistake. Check the Number and call back!

(To the tune of live while we’re young)
Hey it’s crazy crazy crazy that I’ve missed your call
Don’t know why I bother with this phone at all
Just leave your name and number and a reason too
And I’ll try my best… To get back to you…

No one answers phone calls anymore, send me a text.

Hi, you have reached (names) voicemail. If you want money or to sell us something, we a) gave at the office, b) already have it, or c) don’t want it. If you are a friend, trying to give us money or just want to talk, then leave a message or try my cell phone number.

Who is this?! How did you get this number?!

Hi! It’s [Your Name Here]! Let’s Meet Up! I’m Close!!!(make running sounds then cut off).

Hello? … Yea … Uh huh … Yea … No, you stop yelling at me … Oh, you’re yelling alright … you know what, I’m hanging up … yes, I am … (Beep)

I’m glad ya called, but I’m not home, but I’ll be back before too long. You gotta wait for the beep, you gotta leave your name, you gotta leave your number, wait for the beep! *BEEP*

these are awesome

Hello, if you’re hearing this, that means I’m probably trying to avoid you, so don’t leave a message, ’cause nobody likes you.

I call u cuz u called me were the _____ family sorry we are not home leave a message at the tone.
to the tune of “i love you, you love me”
From the Children’s show Barney ( purple Dinosaur)

Sorry I could not come to the phone, I either did not want to talk, or I’m just pre occupied. I will return your call when it is convenient for me

You have reached the voice mail box of (your name). If you’re a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message at the tone. If your one of (your name)’s friends, you may also leave a message at the tone. If your not hot and not one of (your name)’s friends, call back when you are

Hey, i’m not in right now, please leave a message after the tone, but not before because then the message gets cut off <really really long beep that goes for about 1 minute>

…I’ll answer u next time if u give me a new car

Heyyy, (pause) what??, (pause), can you repeat that??, (pause) sike i’m not here but u can leave me a message instead.

“Hey…..okay wait lemme put u on speaker…kay, so wat?..wat? UGH can u just leave me a message?! Thanks!”

? just thought of this one

Hello… hey its you… i have not talked to you you in a while… i have a secret to tell you… leave a message or you will have bad luck

Hello? Oh hey wait a minute I cant hear you. Sorry hold on. Nope, still cant here you. You want to know why, because I am not here right now so leave a message at the beep.

Hello, you’ve reached the (First and Last name) dyslexia helpline. Please leave a massage.

You have reached the Gestapo Speech Therapy Unit. We have ways of making you talk. Please leave your message after the slightly disguised scream at the end. You will leave your message NOW!!!!!

Hey! It’s ____. Wanna hear a joke?
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Not me, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can(:

Hey its (name) call me back asap. i’m out and i couldn’t get to the phone. Im sorry and i promise i will do anything i can to call u back.

*rap it in the McDonalds Big mac song*
buh chick, buh buh chick, hey you’ve reached (your name) and i cant get to the phone so please leave a message after the tone (short silence) and dont forget the fries crispy

Hi if your my parents I’m at church! If you my math teacher I’ll give you my homework. If your that kid who stalks me FUCK OFF! if you that pretty boy down my street call me maybe! If your a low life well don’t bother leaving a message *beep*

hello this is (your name here). if you are hearing this i am probably here but just dont feel like talking to you because you were rude to me the other day.

Hey(small silence) what’s up(small silence) sorry I can’t get to the phone right now butt leave a message and ill get back to u in like a year bi

hi……………………..
well im obviously not here right now because well im probably getting really fat eating this Hershey bar or well don’t tell on me i’m not supposed to be eating candy um leave a message cause i gotta run away BYE!

Hello and thank you for calling the Starstripe Mental Hospital. If you need to reach a patient please press 1 and then say their name. If you are delusional please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership. If you have short term memory loss and you don’t know who we are or why you called please press 3 and we will remind you. If you are dying… well that is not our problem and we can not do anything about it. If you want to sell us something… this number is no longer valid. Thank You for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital and have a nice day.

(say in a stern voice)

“Please deposit 25 cents for the next 3 minutes.”

The number you have reached is currently not in service, but when I wake up and turn my phone back on, it will be!

Like Totally,
Like Wow.
Like I’m not here right now.
Leave a message at the beep,
I’ll call you back,
if you’re not a creep.

HAAHAHAHAHA! i changed my voicemail to the one that is like:

(rhythm to live while were young)
hey its crazy crazy crazy that i’ve missed your call,
don’t know why i even bother with this phone at all
just leave your name and number and a reason to!
i’ll try my best.. to get back to you!!

hahaha i love that 1!

Hello? Helllllo?….. I can barely hear you, speak up. Ok thats better. Ok so what did you want?…. oh thats nice, but i want you to leave you name and number after the beep. Bye!

Talk to the voicemail because (your name) don’t want to talk.

Hello? (Pause) You’re still talking!? Shut the $%&@ up! BEEP.

hey, hello and how do you do?
leave a short message, and I will get back to you.

Hey! It’s (YOUR NAME HERE). So, haha funny story, my phone and I are playing hide and seek….aaannnddd…it’s winning. I’ll call you back as soon as I find it. . Hey before you leave that message do you want to know something about me, I love jokes. You want to know something I hate? I hate long messages, so why don’t you leave a short one and I’ll get back to you. If you leave a long one don’t count on it.

(Very long pause) Wait! Please don’t hang up! I want to hear what you have to say.

I have a very unique voice mail message that many people have wanted me to put on there phone can you help me sell this and set up for a percentage of the cost.

Thanks

Mark

I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what you want. But you can tell me all of that in the message you leave me.

Hello? Pause….Hello? Pause…..hello? Hey, who is this? Pause…..I think we’ve got a bad connection, can you speak up? Pause…..All right, I think u should probably just leave your name and number at the tone!

Brandy is not available to take your call as of right now. If you are family/friends, press 1. If you are someone looking to give me a job, press 2. If you are one of the multiple out-of-area code numbers that constantly insist upon calling me, even though you should know by now im never going to answer, press the end button.

study shows that people that leave messages are usually intelligent, outgoing, friendly, and motivated, People that hang up are usually dark, depressed cynical and sometimes psychotic. Please categorize yourself at the tone.

well i’m not here so you know what to do get ready here it comes *Beep* just kidding